The Self-Hate Thing Isn’t Cute

by Therese

So, there I was, privy to yet another conversation I wasn’t invited to, nor did I want to be a part of it—and yet, I think I was a part regardless of if I spoke a word to it or not. Some crackers were talking some cracker shit. Big surprise—and here I am, the only Black person in a room full of white people…. All talking about Black people. How refreshing! Clearly it made me feel some kind of way—I’m writing about it, after all—so what happened?

It might sound comedically innocent at first, but stay with me, I’ll try to recreate the conversation between, let’s call them Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney. These are all white people.

Kim: Well, the jury’s still out if I’m white.

(They laugh)

Now, why would this exchange piss me off? Do I just hate fun? Do I just hate white people? No, far from it. I’ll say it plainly here, then expound on it for the rest of this column space; I despise, whether implied in jest, or seriously stated, the essentializing of racial traits. I hate racial essentialism. It’s essentially eugenics; it’s logical extent certainly is. I despise race, in general as well—this mental prison we all seem so intent on enforcing on ourselves and each other. It’s stupid, and dumb, and it’s embarrassing.

Shut up, I’m not a self-hating Black person. I love my Black identity, in addition, I love my Latina identity as a Boricua, and my Indigenous identity as a modern descendent of the Taino. Know this—I love those aspects of myself, because I love myself. It’s not the other way around. Fuck racial supremacy of any kind. Pride in one’s race that comes from anything other than a love of oneself, the spirits of one’s ancestry, and your cultural heritage is supremacist bullshit. So yes, it is totally possible to say, “fuck race,” and in the same breath take pride in the aspects of race in society that have shaped you (and your people).

Let’s return to the conversation. Why are some white people so obsessed with attempting to diminish themselves, through the lens of race, by essentializing “racial traits?” What do I mean? Our two examples from the conversation I overheard are some of the most commonly seen—but there are more. Plenty more—but let’s focus on the two for now. Spicy food and sunburn. The implication that only Black people like spicy food, and white people only like unseasoned food is stupid. Discussing this in a room full of white people and one (1) Black person is absurd. The type of thinking that allows casually slipping into this kind of thought is outright dangerous. Same with sunburn—this is the same line of thinking that leads to things like the Tuskegee experiments, to people thinking that melanin is magical protective shield against solar radiation, to people thinking that Black people “are just better at sports,” that leads to Black and Brown women and womb havers dying at excessive rates in childbirth from the eugenics based idea that Black people are somehow more resistant to pain. Not so funny to think about now, is it?

Black people can enjoy unseasoned food (actually, I have the type of autism that makes it so that I enjoy texture more than taste—I am that Black people in question). Black people sunburn. We feel pain. What was the speech in that movie Us? “Two hands, two feet—eyes, a nose, a mouth.” We are the same, with differences stemming from personal cultural backgrounds and sociological conditions. Why is it that so many queer white people can accept that gender is a social construct, that physical sex is variable and complex—but when it comes to race, yall are either outright racist, or this weird hang wringing, self-hating bullshit, that still somehow essentializes race.

That’s not how that fucking works.

This isn’t fucking Elder Scrolls, holy fuck, white people are not Nords, Black people are not Redguards. There are no “““inherent””” traits in anyone (save for like, genetic diseases or whatever bullshit you want to gotcha me with). We are all human beings, living in a society that is almost nothing but bullshit. White people have a social power dynamic advantage over Black people (due to how other white people have structured our society)—but that doesn’t have to be the case—true racial equity begins in the mind. All revolutions begin in the mind. You have to seriously kill the cop, the colonizer, that voice of the oppressor in your mind. Not just the one that says you are superior—but also, the voice that tells you that because you’re white, you somehow deserve to be mocked.

Like, for fucks sake. This whole “Oh I’m sorry for being born white” bullshit isn’t cute. The self-hate of things that you are isn’t cute—it’s still colonizer behavior. No matter how “correct” or “““leftist””” your politics are. It’s not something that makes Black people more comfortable around you. Aside from being eugenicsy as hell—it’s also corny as fuck and a huge red flag. If you’re a white person, or a white passing person, or whatever—if you benefit from a society that rewards whiteness—that is not inherently a bad thing for you as a person, being in the sunken place of feeling like the only way to address that is self-hate as opposed to actual action is not just bad. It’s ontologically evil.

You don’t “hate” being a white person, you don’t “wish you were Black.” What you want (should want) is an equitable world, with racism, without colonizers. Think about it—why should you hate being a white person? Who does that benefit (it benefits 0 Black people)? Do you think this liberal bullshit of insulting yourself through your race makes you “one of the good ones” (It doesn’t—if anything this fear of being seen as white leads me to believe you see yourself as “one of the bad ones” deep down)? Picking up what I’m putting down? As white people, like it or not—you have inherited a world where the social trend tends to benefit you and harm non-white people, especially Black people. If that makes you angry—good. We are on the same page. Now, stop with the stupid, dumb, not cute self-flagellating behavior, picture that truly equitable world in your mind—

And work to make it happen.